It’s not easy every day.

I’m not feeling well at the moment, and what I’m going to write is going to make me cry. I hope to translate it into English properly; I’ll do my best. I feel lonely, neglected and cast aside, like an unwanted dog. I’m back where I was a year ago on SL. The only difference is that, this year, I don’t even have the strength to organize a party for my birthday and that of my Mistress. Because, after all, what’s the point?

I’ve only briefly mentioned it to one or two people, but, once again, I’ve been the target of an online harassment campaign for almost three weeks now. Both on the Internet and in Second Life. Insulting messages, threats, in short, the usual, as well as a smear campaign.

On the one hand, there are French-speaking haters, from the community of haters of my work as a novelist and author, who have discovered the Gorean Archive and accuse me of promoting sexual slavery, sexism and misogyny. On the other, English-speaking haters, who, having discovered that I have no admiration for Norman’s ideas and that I dare to criticize his novels from my feminist point of view, accuse me of having a woke agenda, of uttering lies in the Gorean Archive, and of wanting to kill Gor.

I’m used to cyber-harassment, I know how to deal with it. I’ve experienced it several times, mainly from 2016 to 2019, when I became famous in the French-speaking tabletop role-playing game community, and my feminist, progressive and LGBT+ views were seen, by the most reactionary fringe of that community, as a personal attack on “their” old-fashioned TTRPG.

But in Second Life, I’m more fragile than in my RL life. I’m more exposed, and less able to defend myself easily. And above all, I don’t want to be in Second Life what I am in my RL life, i.e. reputed to be uncompromising, cynical, ruthless and unscrupulous with assholes. This reputation is a shield that protects me and hides my kindness, sensitivity and fragility. In Second Life, I want to be me, as much as possible.

I’m an introvert by nature. I have social charisma, but only because it’s professional training. I don’t like small talk, I don’t like crowds, and I have real social anxiety, even on social networks. I’d rather chat with a friend over a beer than debate with strangers or laugh with a crowd of friends at a party. And I need moments of solitude. I’ve always seen people as a latent threat, always expecting the worst from them, even though this view may be wrong. So I tend to run away from people. And it’s the same in Second Life.

So, between a drama that happened three days ago, following a error on my part, a clumsiness that was very badly received by the people concerned (my fault), with major consequences for my Mistress and me, and my compulsory work of sorting out dozens of insulting and threatening messages every day for over two weeks, in my e-mails and private messages on Second Life, my morale isn’t doing well at all.

Even though I’m introverted, fearful and distrustful of people, right now I feel really alone. I don’t have any game partners at the moment, no roleplay, almost no social relations on Second Life, and I’ve unintentionally screwed up my Mistress’s social relations. Yesterday, I really thought about closing the Gorean Archives and stop spending time on it, since my only reward is a wave of hatred… and stress that makes me do stupid things. And, yes, I’m beginning to doubt the point of staying in Second Life. Even if I don’t want to leave.

But, yeah, right now, I do feel like an abandoned dog on the side of the road.