Emotional safety for Second Life role-players is a form of cautionary procedure, concerned with helping to manage anything that might affect the emotions of the participants, the players, behind the roles they embody.

The principle is to use simple relational tools to ensure that everyone has fun. Remember: in role-playing, everyone must be able to have fun, together, and in a consensual way; there’s no notion of winners or losers, since the aim is for everyone to have fun. There may be temporary defeats, but that’s just to get the plot moving again. In the end, the only time you can “lose” is if your character dies.

On the other hand, there is something that can spoil the fun: emotional stress when it becomes unmanageable. And emotional safety is a tool designed to prevent a player from suffering this stress, and not having any fun at all.

The tools of emotional security are there to prevent the worst stresses a player can endure: from a panicked fear of spiders for an arachnophobe, to a player’s exacerbated sensitivity to a heart-rending scene that awakens truly painful memories. Not forgetting all forms of intense stress, which can be caused by scenes of active or passive aggression linked to violence, or discrimination.

In this respect, it’s worth remembering that Gor’s world is not only violent and unfair, but above all sexist and misogynistic. On the one hand, this is obviously a context that can very quickly get out of hand and negatively affect the players themselves, and, on the other, it attracts players who are REALLY sexist and misogynist (and also racist, homophobic, etc.).

Whoever creates a female character must be perfectly aware of the risks her character takes in the world of Gor: you can’t evacuate this subject from the universe. But everyone must have fun in an equal, consensual and pleasant way, without feeling oppressed by the role they’re playing. To ensure this safety, there are various tools I’ll describe here.

To play full roleplay or not?

One thing I’ve often heard on Gor SL is: ha but I’m full RP (roleplay)… Meaning: I have absolutely no limits, i.e. no emotional safety rules. But, yes, you do, just like everyone else, even if you’re not aware of them or don’t think about them.

Maybe they’re broader, maybe you’re better able than others to detach yourself from the emotions your character will experience, the dramas he’ll endure, the suffering he’ll experience, but you do have limits. Not to mention the legal limits that Second Life’s ToS forces you never to exceed either.

But above all, you’re human: you have breaking points, hauntings, phobias, annoyances, intolerances. But, above all, just because you think your limits are wide, or that you don’t have any, doesn’t mean you can endure it all, or that the others around you can!  And you’re playing with them! So if you think you don’t need emotional safety rules, think that others do, and that they depend on you. Otherwise, you might as well play solo. In a video game, it’s cool: the characters aren’t players, they can’t suffer, only pretend to!

1- The social contract

The social contract in role-playing can be summed up as follows: what happens during and around a game scene may be innocent or inconsequential for some, but disturbing, even shocking, for others. The rule is, therefore, that the participants must agree on this; all the more so as the nature of Gor’s world means that we are quickly confronted with these problems.

You won’t necessarily appreciate your character being mutilated, killed, abused, raped or tortured in play. Similarly, erotic roleplay can be fun for some, but terribly embarrassing for others. Anything involving sex, death, blood and violence, as well as discrimination, can perfectly well shock players.

The simplest tool is the character limits specified by the player, which are often indicated in the avatar’s favorites, and the sim rules, which also specify limits to be respected. But there’s also something anyone can do, directly, in-game.

The pre-scene social contract

The pre-scene social contract means that participants in a scene that’s going to involve emotionally stressful elements agree in advance: what levels of physical and verbal violence will be involved, will there be sex, and how, etc.? Basically, it’s a little discussion in MI that can be summed up by this example:

Kael, a warrior, has captured two panther girls, who are now being held in a prison. They’re on their knees, both tied up and, of course, struggling violently. Kael isn’t exactly a compassionate man, and he’s determined to subdue the two panthers without taking the gloves off.

But before he starts, noting that the two panthers have few limits except a 3-day capture limit, and that they don’t want their character to die, he contacts them both in IM:

– Kael: Okay, you know your panthers are in for a rough time, but I want to keep it fun for you, so girls, tell me what you don’t want to go through!

– Panther 1: Um… if we can avoid rough sex? If I’m confident, I’ll be fine, but I don’t know you.

– Panther 2: That’s fine with me, but please, no mutilation and no insects, seriously, it’s freaking me out!

– Kael: okay, no worries… and what about violence and humiliation? Kael’s a brute, but he’s civilized, so I can adapt to both of you.

– Panther 1: Ha listen, it’s nice… if for once we could live this scene with something other than just humiliation and gratuitous brutality just so the guy can show he’s the strongest, that would change me!

– Panther 2: That wouldn’t be bad, it’s nice of you to ask. If for once our panthers come across a gorean who isn’t a misogynistic barbarian, it might change their view of men a bit.

– Kael: that’s fine by me, girls. Kael’s not really going to be gentle or kind, but he’s human, and he won’t be a bully for free. Now that I know what you want, let’s make it interesting for both of you! Let’s get started!

Let’s be clear, the answer “it’s Gor” is NOT an excuse! It’s NOT good enough! This contract sometimes needs to be discussed in IM between the players when a scene is going to contain elements that could pose a problem, and we know this in advance.  In this way, we agree on the topics and themes to be avoided in general.

It’s a bit like actively checking each other’s limits… it doesn’t take long, but it’s necessary, and it simply builds mutual trust. Once these subjects have been checked and discussed consensually, once this level has been decided, they will be accepted and respected by all. No one will be able to say they weren’t warned and couldn’t give their opinion.

The limits

To play, you need to know the rules, because they define the limits you must respect. In Second Life role-playing, there are 4 types of rules:

The Second Life ToS, which you must respect at all times or risk being kicked out of the game.

The rules of fair play, which I define here: Fair play means being honest with any participant, anywhere and under any circumstances. It means respecting every participant, regardless of gender, sexuality or origin. Fair play means being self-controlled, dignified, friendly and respectful in all circumstances. In role-playing, we admire the legendary codes of courtly chivalry, the rules of the warrior’s honor. Fair play is its modern incarnation.

The rules of the sim you’re going to play, which you must read before taking part. They tell you what kind of game you’re playing, what’s allowed and what isn’t, what the limits are, and so on. If you don’t read them, you run the risk of being completely out of the game, and therefore denied access to the sim.

Limits in the profile of each player with whom you’ll be playing as your character: this sometimes contains indications of the limits the player doesn’t want to cross in a role-playing interaction. It can also contain game information intended to be read.

2- Emotional support

This principle is very simple, and is applied during the game when the players are actually playing. It’s useful ALL THE TIME, whether or not you’ve read the limits, or established a social contract before the scene. It really is a safety net you should always use!

When a role-play scene is going to involve acts and words whose content and consequences are obviously violent, ask the participants targeted by this violence in IM if everything is going well. Take note of their feelings, opening the door for them to say whether it’s going well or not, and talk about it.

A scene of violence includes, but is not limited to: physical aggression, physical violence, verbal violence, verbal humiliation, physical humiliation, rape, torture, discrimination, medical or surgical procedures and, most complicated of all, the player’s confrontation with his phobia, through the ongoing scene between the characters.

Asking “Is everything all right?” builds trust, prevents you from being overwhelmed by the negative intensities of the dramatic scene and, in so doing, avoids misunderstandings, stress and discomfort which, if they arise suddenly, will just put an end to any enjoyment of the game for everyone.

Don’t take it for granted that if someone doesn’t say anything, everything’s fine! Ask them! Ask about them, question them, simply to give them the chance to open up to you. And don’t forget that what you think may not be troubling for you, may be troubling for others. Sometimes it’s something that would be insignificant to you, like, say, a scene involving insects or spiders.

Of course, with a whole crowd, it becomes difficult. So concentrate, as the author or main actor in the scene, on the person whose character is in the most difficult position, or the players you know are the most sensitive or exposed.

Once again, this technique serves to create a framework of emotional security, a complicity based entirely on benevolence and goodwill, which, after all, has the primary quality that, between players who know each other, this will soon no longer be necessary. Mutual trust will have been forged, rendering this tool useless. But to be on the safe side, if you have the slightest doubt, use it!